Miracles do happen, Dont they?

smthg tht i still want to hold on tight

2011-12-09T20:15:00.004+08:00

it feel so suckish previously to eventually let my tears flow down. i break down in just seconds. i thought i was losing someone who i placed deeply inside my life. i hate all these fights no matter how big or small they are. you mean evrything to me and you arent a trade or a measure to anything else. im sorry for wht had happened. i treasure you too much tht im ready to do anything to hold you tight and not letting you go. you mean the whole universe to me. how can i forget and dumped the beautiful friendship we grew w lots of care love laughter and every sgl thing. AND YES im totally glad tht things are goin right again.. thankgod:) i love my cutiepie daada! cant wait to see you soon<333

❤

thursday

2011-12-09T10:05:00.000+08:00

what can i say? hmmmmmm. eventually evrything turn out well. though a guy ask for a dance but eventually i prefer to just be me. i can say i rejected him but hes trying hard to make a convo w me. plus its too noisy and i dont like guys who mouth smells so drunk. have to admit he have tht looks and body. so yeahhhh no regrets xx

•too much craving for icekacang day by day.

whats new.....

2011-12-06T01:11:00.001+08:00

i cant put myself to sleep when infact i have to wake up very early later.
too much things in my head right now. times like this, i wish you were still in my life but i didnt knew you would just be thre halfway. thts life right when ppl say one another come and go. idk why but sumhow i miss your presence.

i knw its useless alr bcos im even nthg to you at all. so wht am i thinking hanging here missing my bff. for wht reasons must i be like this? i have to realised tht you will be no longer here for me anymore at all. mayb i miss you just like i miss talking all nonsense and complaining things w you. mayb i miss you bcos im comfortable to talk to guy like you. i miss ur stories too:( takecare wherever you are and have safe trip bck and forth. goodbye.

goodnights!

first day at mbs

2011-12-06T00:37:00.001+08:00

i started working at mbs on sunday. partly it was actually my 2nd day working at mbs but also frankly it was my 1st day. we were quite nervous at first, scared we would be late and stuffs but overall i and nadirah really had a great day eventhough its quite tiring. we had to set up the hall ball room. i swear its really fcuking big and too much to setup. but yes i love the lights ceilings all! plus, we make quite a few frends at thre. they were friendly. esp some two girls remind us of vivien and candy alot!

too much to say abt my manager, this mly quiet guy, another guy whom i thought is a mly and infact i talk in mly when hes not...... most imptnly nadirah and me had a quite enjoyable day as long we have each othr we wont get bord day long right.... hehe luv chu!

wassup?

2011-12-02T03:45:00.001+08:00

hi sup! its 3am in the morning and idk why im here blogging and not sleeping. im still not sleepy. i hate this bcos holidays makes my bodyclock uneven. oh yes, its alr start of a new month, december. a new year is cmng ahead:>

on the othr hand i can alr feel the tension waitin for my N lvl results. its just almost 2 weeks away. the truth is i cant wait to get my N's but also at the same time i didnt want to get this quick. prolly bcos im so scared if my results isnt to my expectations. the qns is did i study? yes i did but i dont think i have put enuff effort and getting fully ready bfr my major exams.
•• i also have alr make up my mind to a point tht i knew its impossible to make things how it was like bfr:( just be happy....

oh yaaaaaaaaaaaa i did tweet w sumone previously and i swear i feel comfortable talking to this particular person. soccerplayer huh.... i fav when he say " thankyou sunflower;> " not expecting anything nor even having thoughts to knw him better at all. hes quite popular w girls.... so yes still 16 and i havent even like anyone very deeply yett up till now.........

addin on im trying to keep myself wide awake and plus nadirah also cant put herself to sleep. she make me laugh bcos of this person name HAHAHA. tanduk da kua da!! so yes i hope things will be just fine for her. 3 more hrs and i off gettin ready to johor. i cant wait though i still havent get any sleep yet............

chalos!!!

all my heart

2011-11-30T16:37:00.003+08:00

firstly i have finally graduated from my 4yrs in highsch. if god willing, i would want to continue anothr year in twss to take my O lvls. but all tht depends on my N lvl results.. insyaallah:)

and most imptly finally we have graduated tgther!! i gonna miss my sec4 2011 days esp w the two of you. rmb the times we do "bad things" tgther and evrything. i surely gonna miss evrything. even in my next upcoming life, i would want to be gifted having you both in my life. thanks for being in my daily life<3

as for now, how my nov flow? idk how to describe it. i had a good starting of nov but i knew everytime when good things came to me, it will only be awhile bcos next, all the bad happenings will come tumbling me down. but still i thank god for all those happy moments i had even though its just awhile. the only thing i could do was always telling myself to look at the brighter side.

i gotten my 1st pay alr on the 25th and i have officially resigned frm taka and i will be startin working arnd next wk in my new job. im quite sastify w the pay i get but sadly to say im gng to be officially broke again. money is just like water. its gone easily and hard to work for it bck again. i have learned to realise how hard both of my parents are earning $ all this while.

for the past few days i been spending my time w nadirah!!! i have a great time w her and im happy for her bcos finally she met sumone in her life. we spent alot of $ eh esp you haha! shes been like a sister to me and pls always rmb my advice wherever you go.... xx.

so what shud i comment on this? this sumhow is related to me. but nah this are conincidences in life right...

right now, im in state of having thoughts tht really kill me inside since ystrday. i think im alr losing sumone impt in my life now. mayb i had alr lose him but i just didnt realise. yes my bff. its been thrice tht i run away hiding myself. mayb you knew i was running away. but i knew i wanted to pushed myself frm all this. everytime i saw you, i couldnt even look at you. im speechless. for some reasons idk wht had happened for the past few months. i miss having you arnd me. i miss talking to you. i miss complaining to you. i miss saying wht happen to me while all i do was cry whenever i tell you and you hear me out. i miss our msn coversations when i use to online. even up till now i still kept it all. i miss disturbing you. rmb when once i pranked you but you knew it was me. damn i just can nvr ever prank ppl passly. i miss when i ask you to walk me bck bcos i was scared and you did but in the end i was the one who waited for ur bus tgther w you. all i can do was just rewind bck whenever i miss you. i treated you just like a brother to me. i wanted things to be how it was bfr but i knw. cant. as long you are happy, i will be glad. i have too much to say to you but just i couldnt even speak out. thanks for being present in my life once. i wish you would stay more longer. just for now i really miss my bff.

to you, i knew smthg which idk why it led to my heart deeply. mayb i wasnt close w you but yes i prefer if you could tell me honestly. rather than keeping it frm me and it really make me like a fool when actually i knew smthg and i just have to pretend tht i didnt knw. i dont even know why right now im crying. fuck this im such a sore loser!!!! i feel so pathetic to led tears flow down. honestly im not angry at you at all. not even a bit at all. im just hurt. thts all. im hurt tht i have to pretend i didnt knew a thing. im hurt tht you didnt even be honest to me. if you knew me well, will you still do this towards me? yes this isnt a big issue and i dont really care at all abt this but if i say im totally ok w this, aint im lying to myself? it so hurtful tht i have to pretend. i didnt want to ask bcos i didnt want to have conflicts but thanks frm this i now can know who im to you.

sigh idk why or wht i had done wrong in my life to be deserved to face all this. i alr sumhow lose my own blood sister and again i lose another. idk whts next.....

period.

imsonia.

2011-11-09T06:12:00.001+08:00

im in a state of feeling so tired right now. mind body, just evrything.... i hate when im awake at this timing, 5:49am. for now, not really much things happen. just work and work.

i feel good in the othr hand tht im not working today. i cant wait for this upcoming weekends, just finally all of us are so gonna enjoy w ourselves tgther:) addin on i cant w8it to get my paid and i've been counting on daily..

idk wht im feeling but all i knw is just i really miss. im happy i can hear ur voice aftr so long today and i bet you didnt saw me bcos obviously im trying to pull myself away frm being seen. so be happy and i hope you liked my call at midnite just like how you did for me 4months bck. i guess ppl change for now.

as for now i always wanted someone to tell me tht im worth in their life but so far none. just tht sentence. its not tht im finding to be a attention to anyone. i sound pathetic huh hell no. mayb i was not tht special in anyone eyes tht im close too. just not yett. i always tell how much a particular person mean smthg to me. i dont go arnd telling ppl they are worth in my life. i admit i choose wisely.

once i feel so alive tht i was worth in ur life. and when i thought bck abt it again and see how much things has changed, it was nthg alr.

so wht shall i do today?

true love have to be wait

2011-11-06T06:42:00.001+08:00

a little too much

2011-11-03T23:13:00.001+08:00

i thought october sorrows gonna just end thre and i can open a new chapter in this november. i was wrong. totally.

how hurt i felt im tolerating even up till now. i dont ever want to look like one fucking loser drown in sorrowness. im still me and im happy to be me up till now. i have to admit my friends are the pillar of my strength. i thank you all very much. its not tht i prioritize them first than my family. my family is always first in my life but as for now i feel my frends are my only family:(

how pathetic im prisoning myself in my room and crying:'( while typing out wht my heart says and feel. i cant say anything more bcos wht im facing right now is my own life and i have to go thru this. just i wish all these pain could be taken away. at times i wanted to broke down badly but no bcos i kept telling myself "im stronger than bfr"
all i had in mind is "WHT SHUD I DO?" "WHY I HAD TO FACE THIS AT THIS AGE?"

i just need understanding. i dont care if im not being love. i just had my ownself for now to wipe evry drop of my tears.

•im at the verge of still trying which idk till when.

2011-10-31T17:02:00.001+08:00

i love daada alot

2011-10-20T15:46:00.001+08:00

hi wassup its been a few days im away..... will be bck soon.
AND PLS SENT MY LOVE TO MY BELOVED TWO GIRLS.
I MISS DAADA & DEE.

i miss my bffX3

2011-10-15T02:34:00.000+08:00

i miss my bestfriend very much. how can i dont miss you, im used to doing things w you arnd. i really miss you very much egghead hehe happy rolling and we will meet soon!! be prepared for each of our stories ok muahahah

i have to amit this few days i been thinking real hard tht anytime i always wanted to broke down. even if life was hard, still i have to find the courage and live it up.

3.31 am in the morning

2011-10-12T03:27:00.003+08:00

i just feel like running away. i kept to myself this much tht it suprise me bcos it still makes me hold on. this song just perfectly describe wht i feel right now:'(

my little wish

2011-10-12T02:26:00.003+08:00

i knew it. mayb perhaps i care too much. too much tht i care and love tht in the end i didnt knew i hurt myself this much. how can i be so naive?

i'll get used to this. it hurts terribly.

how much i care doesnt matter alr now. i just wish upon a star someday who knows....

i will always rmb u

2011-09-29T18:34:00.001+08:00

i never thought tht you will have this heart to even leave us. i dont mind you leaving me but just how could you leave both of our parents. our parents gettin older each day and you just think abt urself. you never changed or even have the feeling of remorseful after what you had did to us for the past few yrs and even up till now. how much i had gone thru and also how much our family had gone thru was always due to you.
we accept all the challenges tht came. but just this time you even say you are ready to leave mum and dad behind. you disgraced them but still they luv you. you are even ready to forget ur family and even me ur sister. thanks for everything for all this 16years i had w you. thanks for showering me your love this 16 years. thanks for making me able to see you everyday whenever i woke up frm my sleep.

i will always pray for you to be happy w ur life. takecare wherever you are. my prayers will always be w you. i love you always my dearest sister and just one day we will meet again on the streets, perhaps? i wanted to hug you bfr you go and you even didnt bid gdbye to me:( i hope god will open ur heart, show you the right path and softened ur heart.

im tearing badly now. i cant accept even my own blood will leave me. no matter wht, pls take goodcare of urself and darwin. i know deep down mum and dad still love you.

i pray the best for you always and will rmb wht i had w you for this 16years..

just dont go:'(

all i hope

2011-09-28T01:42:00.001+08:00

i have to admit 2011 wasnt really a great year for me. actually it only goes esp this month sept.
its really hard really and all i had to do is just keeping on enduring. i dislike too much thinking and it annoys me when i wanted to stop my thoughts but i just cant.... just how?

im hurt badly inside. at times i think after all those words, do you appreciate me? if you did why you wanted to leave me. i hate the fact when i had nvr ever thought like tht. why i feel i been avoided. i really dont mind on the way im treated but you were my closest really closest to me. i know i cant be selfish, im just helpless.

sometimes i seat down and think... i dont mind being hurt bcos i will learn and try to heal myself. i just cant see you in a hurtful condition. i always try my best but i just feel this time i failed as a frend. i really fail.
im sory if i was once your worst in ur life.
will you just come bck.. you dont know how much i misses you.

tonite im sleeping w a broken heart. god, will you just grant my wish?

wake up w a broken smile

2011-09-26T05:03:00.001+08:00

not yet aslp even its alr late. 5.05 am and yet im right here tossing at my bed. its pouring outside my window. i wonder if i could wake up for sch later w body recharge. pretty much nthg in my mind right now...
i wish wht happened will slap me hard. i just dont know wht i want everytime when i think of you. i know i dont love nor do i miss.
perhaps.......... who knows. SWEETDREAMS.

you both mean the universe to me

2011-09-25T03:32:00.002+08:00

i cant help whut im feelings but shits alr happen.

i broke into tears when the moment you say to me this way. i cant nvr do tht and i cant nvr fulfill ur promise. pls just dont force me. it will hurt me and will also hurt urself too. i swear this is the first ever time i cry tgther w a friend whom is so precious to me. you, daada. i cant help seeing you this way... i cant help it when we talk our hearts out. the most hurtful is when i heard your cried. when i heard your silence and i know you are crying so badly. i wished i was right beside you to wipe your tears..

we gone thru so much together. we fought we cry we irritate we laugh we smile and now we fall together. i never knew things will turn out this way. for wht had happen no matter whut pls dont ask me to stay away frm you or even distance urself frm me. i cant bare it. i just cant.... i promised i wont ever leave you, you dont need to adapt saying tht i will be gone. I WONT. i just wont. i still rmb and kept my promises. yes promises are meant to be broken right? but i had put my whole heart tht i believe i wont ever break my promise. i believe w truthful and sincerity our friendship will stay. even i always had a dream where we will grow old together and you will attend my marriage and see my kids. we will grow our kids and tell them how big our friendship is tht no one can ever challenge. i want our friendship to be jealousof others because i want them to know tht you are the best i ever had and even if i have the opportunity in the next birth, i want to have a friend like you w a kind heart. you have been a part in my life where i cant afford to lose because its the same like losing myself.

im glad when actually you do know i had my own probs. i wanted to tell you so badly bcos i know you wont looked down on me on wht had happen to my family. but i just cant.... its hard on whut im gng thru right now. but im trying very hard to not let it affect me. i swear i wanted to cry badly this past few days in sch but i kept a hold of myself. i cant take it when most lessons are gng on but i try my best. i smile and laugh and i realise pretending was the hardest part. it hurts. i dont want to trouble my friends. i rather kept to myself because i knew you are alr sad and i dont want to trouble you w my probs.

rmb this? bfr we gng to work and we are at the escalator goin up and this is the first proper pic we try out w my new iphone.

during break time when theres no customers and i cant stop using my hp bcos it my first day using it until.. my hp drop slide down my leg HAHAHA i happy sgt sbb tuh. dee and jj also join us too.

rmb this part? when we took alot of pics and suddenly you press video. video act cool sbb nak maintain. not me daa, its you.

this is you who snap. it was when tom hanks or whtever the came to our workplace and idk you sumpa gila sgt alr, smpai happy suro ambek gmbr smpai zoom in dari ticket counter.

we work full day. cant believe we so hardworking. everyday we pop popcorn. and at the 2nd half of the day i fall alittle sick and we having fun packing and eating popcorns! we do dozens cartons

alot!!!

rmb this when i say daa yok pegy atas tgk scenery and the moon was full moon tht day. we are even scared to snap, scared if we drop our phone.

theres one video when we waited for alya to finish her work at bangkit bustop and even its late night alr we dont care. we had so much fun esp you and her till both fall down. rmb? i even take a video of alya slide like a slow snail at the railing. we laugh so much at her because of her shoe!! everything black haha.

this, we at alya work place eat free! alya gave free meal food and its alot. we make noise and laugh so loud at her work place to get her attention. we supposed to go for work but we didnt turn up! haha we went to ion and buy your top tht you are wearing up thre now. baru beli troz pakai. hehe.

we even waited for alya for hours to finish work to go home together.

we even breakfast together. we ate alot rmb till $72? this is the first ever ramadhan, we break fast together and insyallah pjng umur, i want to breakfast w both of you again next year. we even went to seoul garden together to celebrate alya 16th. we had so much fun goosips laughs and even scold each other. we had so many good memories together. just so why must you two be like this? why must you two kept hurting each other? just why..... i know you both deep well, you both didnt meant to say all those hurtful ways. all the happiness and memories we had together, why cant you both think of it? im still standing strong holding both of you in both of my arms. i hate the fact when both of you turn each other down... here im in between always wanted to make things right...alya, you cant go on be like this. mayb you dont realise wht you had did and the way you treated can hurt someone so much. i love both of you so much. just pls dont make conclusions tht can hurt your ownself.... we can go thru this. we must talk things out yes we will.

alya, you had always been in my heart. we go thru so much things tghther since 2009. i thank god you are still wimme by my side always. back days, we always meet almost every single day and thre nthg tht we just wont talk abt. even up till now... rmb everytime when each of of us is down we held to each other hands to comfort one another. you always lean to me and i knew smthg always unright. rmb the night we seat together and speak our mind out. you mean so much to me. if theres no you, who will gonna scold for always being so shy even when buying food and things. who will i find fault w for no reasons. who will i disturb and laugh at. who will i talk nonsense too. everything we had really meant alot to me. really.....

daada, i cant put myself to words. but promise me tht i always be in your right heart. im always thre. im sorry for whutever had happen. just dont leave, i know i wont. where can i find a friend like you tht always tell abt me to others.... my new word, my laughter, the way i work everysgl thing. if you leave me, whom can i confide to? who can i scold everytime uses my hp to take her photos. who will be my 2nd owner? whom can i call my birdiegirl. whom can i talk nonsense too. who will be so manje wimme if not you.... who can i see tht has a cuz so.... goodlooking. ok maaf!

think of whut we had w each other. i want to see your very sweet smile of you both. i love you two.... xx

2011-09-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

i cannot change the past. i can only forgive and rebuild and move forward but i can only wait so long before the pain, hurt gets to me. nobody say it was easy.
i hate the fact when things arent ryte. im alr stucked w my own problems which im struggling very hard. at least im trying...
i just so did not know wht things went wrong. why dont we seat and talk our hearts out?

conclusion

2011-09-22T13:21:00.001+08:00

right now i need to think thoroughly. i need to take a deep long breathe and exhale. if this is alr fate, i accept it.

► how much i really do miss my gfs. hope all of you are doin well. i luv you girls!<3
► yez im pretty much worried of my bff eversince i saw his face. hope hes ok:> we will talk to tmr right.. im always here, you knw tht xx.

even if i had the chance to runaway, i wont.

can someone gimme a hug

2011-09-22T04:20:00.000+08:00

im just to down to even cheer myself up. i hate pretending to be okay. but thts the only way. we are strong right? stronger than bfr right? haish why we have to go thru this:'(

why?

2011-09-21T03:50:00.000+08:00

problems.
like wht ppl say every problems can be solved, right? my ans is no.
the problem im facing right now cant be solved but only can be mend. its really so fucking hard. i knew this would happen when hes alr out. you came crashing two years ago and you came bck. how much my family gone thru is also bcos of you. we gone thru alot tghther thru thick and thin. gettin our family name spoilt, gettin badnames. every sgl thing. worst thing worst even relatives cant help you tht much but just keeping on saying abt your family. its hard. ppl looked down. eventhough ppl look down, as long we have each other we will go thru this tghther. thts wht dad promise:')

just how could you do this? i even had sleepless night waitin for you till 4am. i just cant stop crying. seeing my mum makes me tear apart. shes too hurt really too hurt. dont you love us? wht had we done till you did us like this? you arent grateful. even wht happen two yrs ago, mum and dad take you care for you. get insulted just bcos of you. and this is how you repay? im really really begging you.. DONT DO THIS TO US.
i alr cant put myself to words. why must this happen bfr my N's? im too ashamed to face the fact and even to tell my frends. i knw they will look down on me. no i just cant tell. i rather keep to myself. its so hard. i dont want to tear down infront of them.

i managed to keep to myself, pretending nthg happen to me today in skul. but im fighting so hard to focus and frget all my prob when im in sch. still i cant. i call mum up to check on her and i almost brokedown when i hear her helpless voice. i cant do anything...

reality is harsh, still have to faced it.

sweetiepie

2011-09-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

you the best i everhad. i thank god for giving me a gift evryday which is you. we fights we quarrels we get mad get irritated w each other but at the end of the day, the happiness we share and had is the one tht keeps both of us alive tgther. i appreciate our frendship and this really means alot to me. dont be sad for what had happen to you. get up on ur feet and tell urself tht you will have someone better in future. its just a matter of time and heal.

hope you like mine and deedee gift:) i love you always and will. keep the letter alright!

enduring

2011-09-19T23:54:00.003+08:00

N's are just arnd the corner... im trying my best. mayb this isnt up to my expectations. I COULD DO THIS MUCH MORE BETTER. im fighting for a place to come bck next yr as a tw secondary student. yes SEC5.
its hard competing w all the clever ones but still i must hanged on right? im just too worried for the rest of my subjs esp maths. left 5more papers to go. im working hard on my sciences and i must score in bio so it could at least pull up my grades tgther w chem.
I MUST SCORE grade 3 for my sciences. 2 for my dnt. 2 for my mly. 5 for eng. 4 for my maths. i must get 16points!!
HAZIRA WORK HARD.

just one more week and a few days.
ya allah kabulkan doaku.

insecurities

2011-09-18T23:18:00.002+08:00

i admit im insecure at times. at a point of time i worried so much. im just scared. scared of losing. i wanted all for myself but i know deep down im not selfish. i can keep a control of myself...

sayshazira.blogspot.com

2011-09-17T21:52:00.000+08:00

hi this prolly be mine new official blog. its really been such a long time.. here im. this blog might only be known to me and just mayb me.... if thre are others tht happen to read, im totally honoured if you could find my hidden blog:)

well im hazira 16th this yr. im takin my N's pretty soon. in twss. i love to smile and mostly i love to laugh. i believe life is short for me to not enjoy evry moment. laughter makes each of my day. thts just me. my life revolve on my luvly ones<3
i've to admit life isnt perfect so does nobody is but perfection can be achieved. its just up to individual bcos each of us lead and choose our life. umm ok cut w the introduction.

SO GO FIGURE.